The Bitters Truth: April 2010

Friday, April 30, 2010

Love is staring you right in the face

Ah, springtime. Such a beautiful time of year. The weather is temperate, the sun is bright in the sky, and every where a sense of love is in the air.

Especially at the dog park.

I was driving to get a little bite to eat today. Since I seem to be in a perpetual quarter/mid-life crisis, I put the top down on the convertible and took the long way to our little breakfast spot in Westwood. Rolling up Barrington and past the well known dog park that is there, traffic slowed eventually to deposit my vehicle right next to the fence that sits along the road. With music blasting on the radio, I was feeling the vibe of the day. And then I glanced slowly over to my right...

Cue the cheesy 70's porn music.

He was a larger dog. Likely in the Retriever family. Big, goofy, tongue flailing wildly out of the side of his mouth as he stared directly at me.

She was of the hound family. Smaller, a little curvy, and staring right at me.

I wanted to look away. But I couldn't. Not because I have some sort of dog humping fetish, but because THEY were staring at ME. It's my opinion that I was just glancing over and they were already looking at me. They wanted me to see them. Why else would they be knockin' boots at 10 in the morning in the middle of a park? Damn little doggie voyeurs.

Dogs are about as close to the internet as the natural world gets. As with that there world wide web, with dogs...anything goes. Cleaning themselves in public? Check. Eating their own regurgitations? Check. Nose to ass/crotch/other? Check, check, CHECK!

They put their private lives on display as if all dogs are part of some unknown Dogbook we can't plug into. But not only are dogs social networkers, they are the pornstars of the animal world. They walk around all day with nipples swinging to and fro, or little tubes of "pink lipstick" popping out at all the wrong times. And they don't really care what you think about it. As for other animals adopting this behavior, you don't see cats or squirrels doing it, do you? They may chase each other around, but that's foreplay. We've all seen the pigeon doing the little bob-n-weave-look-at-me walk behind the female his diggin' on, but have you ever seen them just flat out go for broke?

When my Dad told me about the birds and the bees, he talked about discretion, love, and safety. I guess that's why they don't tell you about the "birds and the dogs".

Makes me glad I have a cat.

Ain't that the Bitters Truth.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dear Arizona - you've failed...EPICALLY.

Dear Arizona,

Epic Fail. Epic.

There's times in politics and government that one just sort of says "Oh well, that's how it goes. I disagree, but I can live with it."

Then there's the immigration law passed this week in Arizona. There's no way that the public as a whole can respond to what's happened these past couple days with that same response. The state, as a whole, has taken a big, fat, steaming dump on the fabric of what built us as a nation.

Arizona is effectively saying that if you are in their state, and you aren't a citizen, well then they hope you are pretty flexible. They hope that you are able to bend completely over at the waist, tuck your head between your genitals and...kiss your ass goodbye.

Don't believe me? Go ahead and check it for yourself. It says so right here: www.azleg.gov/legtext/49leg/2r/bills/sb1070s.pdf

Okay, so maybe not exactly like that, but damn close enough. They want nothing more than the try and scare away the residents of that state that should be selling tamales in TJ. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I shouldn't call them "residents". Arizona sure doesn't (unless it wants tax revenue from them). I should refer to them as how the Arizona politicians see them: burdens.

Before I go any further, let me say this: I have A LOT of people in Arizona that I love. My father and step-mother have lived there for 28+ years (Dad's always voted Democrat...Step-mom, not so sure...). I have friends, family and golf club employees who've taken care of me over the years. Oh, and the Cardinals are finally worth rooting for.

But the state as a whole got it fucking wrong. Way wrong. And those of you in Arizona who let it happen, you're completely at fault for what I bet was a lack of effort on your part to fight this xenophobic law. Did you stand up and do something? Did you contact your State Representative whom YOU elected? Like it or not, you're part at fault and should shoulder some of the embarrassment of this..

Creating an environment where police (led in Maricopa County by a WILDLY anti-establishment, Sheriff Joe Arpaio) are able to stop and question, without reason, people who might possibly not be citizens of this country is as close to Nazi Germany that this world has been since that disgusting time. And this is not hyperbole. It is EXACTLY how things first started in 1930's Germany. The reason it grew was because those morally opposed didn't speak up until it was too late.

Sound familiar Arizona?

People come into this country for criminal things. Of course they do. We have a significant opportunity for people with poor motives to take quick advantage of the animosity of our country. But the vast majority come here to try and contribute and do more than they ever could've hoped to do in their home countries. Need proof? Ask your Grandparents. Check your ancestry at http://www.ancestry.com/ and I bet YOU didn't come from here originally. Without the presence of people willing to do what it takes, America wouldn't run.

And neither should the people this law targets.

Arizona is a state with a rich and complicated history. From it's "Wild West" roots to it's modern growth, it's always dealt with an influx of people seeking a different "climate." It has wealthy retirees from the East. It has the 3rd generation Arizonan who's family came here to escape something. It has the guy who proudly carries a gun into the nearest Home Depot. It's what Texas wishes it could be if Texas were smaller.

Arizona was also the first state I recall seeing the ATM offer instructions in Spanish AND English. It was 1994. I thought, "How cool?!" Now it seems as if some people in AZ are saying "How uncool?!"

I teach several kids who are here illegally. And if there aren't, their parents are. And I love them sincerely. I can't imagine a situation where they'd be stopped and then questioned by police if they belong here.

I'm not saying open the doors and let all who want in to come in as if the U.S. is a keg party on the frat row of the world. But we have systems, we have agencies, and as broken as they are, rely on them to do the work AT THE BORDERS. Don't ask your officers to patrol the freeways and side-streets to rid the neighborhoods of the unwelcome.

Shame on you politicians of Arizona. Shame on you for thinking that fear and punishment are the answer to dealing with those who arrived here differently than you.

And that's the Bitters Truth.